An aunt can be many things to a child.  She can be someone who baby sits and has a purse filled with makeup to be played with or she can be a strict disciplinarian who acts a lot like a parent.  Aunts choose what sort of role to play in their nieces and nephews lives based on their own personalities and lifestyles, what their siblings allow, and who the children are as individuals.  But no matter how often aunts get together with the kids or how they chose to spend this time, they are almost always a grown up confidant for the child.  This enables them to help in difficult situations.

Oftentimes, children seek out help from someone other than their parents because of concern for how their parents will react.  An aunt’s willingness to listen non-judgmentally and her ability to give advice are very important.  Aunts (whether a relative or mom’s best friend) are on a short list of adults (alongside teachers, members of the clergy, coaches, etc) with whom children have contact and a degree of trust.  Children may confide in their aunts in matters as trivial as a failing grade on a test or as important as an unplanned teenage pregnancy.  Aunts are in the position to be useful sources of help and emotional support, and they can be the first points of contact for discussing problems.

Sometimes, informing the parents is necessary

Being an aunt is easy and fun when a niece asks you for fashion tips or confides in you about a boy she likes.  It can get be more tricky when she opens up about problems between her parents or about her plans to lie about whose home she is sleeping over for the weekend.  There are times when aunts can handle these situations and act “in-loco parentis.”   And then there are times when it is necessary to inform parents of what is going on with their child.

There are certain circumstances in which it is clear that aunts should inform the people who are directly responsible for the child’s well being.  When it becomes clear that a minor is engaging in dangerous activities, informing parents should be considered a must.  Aunts may discover that their niece or nephew is involved in something that is dangerous to themselves or others including gang related activities, use of drugs or alcohol, unprotected sex, abusive relationships, self-injurious behaviors such as cutting, or not complying with prescription medication regiments.   When a child is involved in something that can be dangerous to himself or others, it is time to tell his parents.

Children may also require intervention when they are not able to function properly.  If it becomes apparent that a child is not sleeping, eating, or taking care of his body appropriately, an aunt should inform the parents.  Likewise, parents should be made aware if their child is unable to function academically.

Finally, if an aunt is feeling uncomfortable helping a child handle a situation alone without the parents’ involvement, she probably should not do so.  If you have concerns about a child, don’t ignore them. Your sense, however vague, that something is wrong may be an important warning sign. It is better to err on the side of caution regarding their well-being.